Feelings Friday: Autism All Star

h/t Foodarts "The Cattle Whisperer"

Temple Grandin is an extra-ordinary woman. She is a professor at Colorado State University, an inventor, author of several books, consultant to livestock companies for the humane treatment of cattle, activist, and was named among the "Top 100" most influential people by Times Magazine in 2010.

As a neuro-diverse person on the Autism Spectrum, Temple Grandin is also a powerful ASD advocate demonstrating the truism: The world needs all kinds of minds

Dr. Grandin does an outstanding job expressing how ASD symptoms influence her thinking and shape her life's work.  Please set aside time (twenty minutes) to listen to her Ted Talk from 2010 as part of your autism education in April. Consider sharing this post with anyone you think could benefit from Dr. Grandin's wise words.

 
To learn more about Temple Grandin follow this link.

Mental Illness Awareness: Remembering Robin Williams

The public life of Robin Williams is a legacy of extraordinary talent.  I grew up with Mork and Mindy, and we all have at least one (if not more) favorite Robin Williams' films.

We now  know that the private life of Robin Williams included mental illness. I am sure we will learn that he sought treatment and that his family did everything they could to provide support in his struggle. Millions of people have a mental illness and are fighting every day to survive.

Robin Williams did not survive mental illness, and many others will die this year from the disease.  Mental illness is a brain disorder.  We rely on our brain to help us take care of ourselves, to give and receive  love,to find meaningful work, to make multiple decisions on an everyday basis. Mental illness distorts thinking, perception, and decision making.

Family and friends who love a person with a  mental illness work very hard to help prolong life. Like supporting a loved one with cancer- They lean in, encourage, drive to appointments, stay up all night, comfort, seek help, and do everything possible.  Psychologists, psychiatrists, and treatment centers are as dedicated as oncologists in seeking solutions and recovery.

It is the greatest fear of friends and family that our loved one will commit suicide.  But it is not up to us. Despite the love of family, treatment, and life success of Robin Williams, it was ultimately his decision to end his life. We are all sorry about this choice, but it was not ours to make.

Robin Williams' death has begun a conversation--  Let's continue to talk about how to improve funding, treatment, and support for people suffering with mental illness and the  families who love them.

I miss having Robin Williams on this earth.  I want more stand up, more movies, more laughter- I know his family wanted more time with him too.  Wishing them peace.

Resources for help:

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)  is a powerful source of advocacy for the mentally ill and their families.  Their motto is "every mind matters," and they demonstrate this belief by offering groups for caregivers, mentoring for families, and referral for people affected by mental illness.

Crisis Numbers: Oklahoma HeartLine-405-848-CARE, National Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK

Suicide Prevention Post

Know the Signs, Reduce the risk of suicide contagion

I am revising and re posting this information (first published January 2012)as part of the national campaign to raise awareness about suicide prevention.

In 2012 our small community lost 4 teenagers to suicide, three within a two week span of time. Suicide is not contagious, but it can be a catalyst for suicidal behavior. The community circles of teenagers overlap through multiple associations in school, neighborhoods, places of worship, and team sports.

When there is a suicide in your community you must get informed, talk responsibly, and respond appropriately. You can not afford to assume "not my kid." Many of the parent survivors of suicide report that was how they felt too.

Improve Safety at Home: Properly store all firearms and prescription medications. Regardless of your position on firearms, it is important to think differently after an adolescent suicide. To further reduce risks, remove the ammunition and or guns from your home. Prescription medications can be locked in a container (available at local drug stores) or kept with you rather than stored in the original bottles in medicine cabinets.

Notice Changes: Suicidal thoughts are a symptom triggered by many different factors, so there is no simple explanation as to who is the most vulnerable. Research, however, has informed us to watch for certain risk factors:

• Deteriorating academic performance.

• Self-mutilation.
• A fixation with death or violence.
• Unhealthy peer relationships: Including indications that the teen is in a destructive or abusive relationship.
• Volatile mood swings or a sudden change in personality.
• Risk-taking behaviors (substance use/abuse, promiscuity, reckless driving)
• Signs of an eating disorder.
• Difficulty in adjusting to gender identity.
• Bullying.
• Depression
• Anxiety: Reporting “feeling trapped, overwhelmed.”
• Reporting “lack of purpose in life.”

Contagion risk: Individuals who witnessed a suicide or were first responders are at greater risk, and the vulnerability increases when we consider a young person who also was a close friend and identified with the deceased, "he was just like me."

Students who misinterpreted the signs of suicide or failed to report concerns to an adult will experience acute stress and need additional support, even though it will not necessarily increase their risk of suicide.

Listen: If a teen is talking about suicidal thoughts, threatening suicide, or expressing a wish to “go to sleep and not wake up” or similar statements, listen and take their words seriously. Even if the young person has a tendency toward the dramatic, these comments are an indication that there are struggles that feel overwhelming and additional support is needed.

Ask: Asking directly if a teen has had thoughts of suicide will assist you in determining the most appropriate action of support to ensure safety for a vulnerable teen through a difficult time. There is no evidence that asking directly about suicidal thoughts will increase the risk of suicide. Asking decreases risk.

Communicate: Every teenager would benefit from hearing that “there is no mistake that cannot be forgiven, no problem that you wouldn’t help them with, no concern in their life that you (their parent) could not handle.” Suicide is a symptom, not a solution.

Reach Out: Professional support is available in the community to assist you and your family through anxiety, high stress, achievement problems, substance abuse, and other difficult emotional and situational circumstances. Teach your teen that it is okay to get help, and that a friend’s suicidal thoughts cannot be kept a secret. Telling a trusted adult may help to save a life.

Crisis Numbers: Oklahoma HeartLine-405-848-CARE, National Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK

It gets better: Facing the symptom of suicidal thoughts

Run to Remember 5K 2013

A 40 year old woman finds a lump in her breast.  "It's cancer" she thinks to herself.  She tries to ignore the thought, but it rips through the lining of her thoughts all day.  She can't sleep at night.  She considers her life, family, friends. "How can this be happening to me?" She has responsibilities, people depend on her.  She thinks of the women she knows who have had cancer, some have lived, some have died.  She goes over and over these thoughts for several days before she says the words aloud "I need help."

A 15 year old girl begins to have suicidal thoughts.  "I'm crazy" she thinks to herself.  She tries to ignore the thoughts, but they are unstoppable.  Suicidal thoughts follow her down the halls at school and into her bedroom at night.  She considers her life, family, friends. "Why do bad things always happen to me?"  Her family is mad  because of her dropping grades and "attitude." Her friends have all been ignoring her since the bad break up with her boyfriend, who won't even look at her in class.  What's the point she wonders.  She goes over and over these thoughts for several weeks before she says the words aloud "I need help."

Both women are dealing with symptoms.  Ignoring a symptom doesn't make the problem go away, in both of these cases ignoring a symptom can be fatal. 

The 40 year old has had enough life experience to know that sometimes bad things happen, but she has hope that good things are still possible.  She realizes that she cannot evaluate the symptom without the helped of a trained person. The 40 year old has an idea about what will happen next.  She will consult with a trained physician who will diagnose the symptom and recommend treatment.  Knowing what the symptom means will relieve a lot of stress, even if her worst fears are true.  It gets better.

The 15 year old doesn't know anyone who has suicidal thoughts, because no one talks about it.  She doesn't realize that her parents are worried about her, not angry, and her friends are too busy thinking about their own problems to show her how special she is to them.  The boyfriend, well, he doesn't wish her harm.  She believes that she is weak and broken to even have the thoughts but she can't stand the pressure anymore and is compelled to ask someone for help.

This is what happens AFTER the 15 year old asks for help. 

Assuming she asks the right person, she will be referred to a qualified evaluator.  This could be the family care physician who has known her all of her life, or a licensed counselor.  If she asks for help at 2 am, it will be the Emergency Room doctor.

The physician, psychologist, or counselor will explore other symptoms and get a context for how the 15 year old is functioning, aside from the thoughts.  The evaluator will then assess risk, what is the availability of lethal means for self harm? What is the 15 year old's support system? What has triggered the suicidal thoughts?

The 15 year old does not know that the mental health of a person is based on many factors besides the presence or absence of suicidal thoughts. a lot of adults don't know that either. Suicidal thoughts can be fleeting, or obsessional.  They can be passive "I wish I wasn't here anymore" or active "I have a clear plan about how to kill myself and I am considering when I will do it."  All suicidal thoughts are disturbing and stressful when they cannot be easily dismissed. 

If the 15 year old is at low risk- the treatment plan will include counseling and the education of family members and may include medication. (Medication alone will not improve coping, but it will relieve symptoms)

Finding the "right fit" with a mental health person is important.  Changing behavior is difficult, especially when a teenager is anxious and/or depressed. The 15 year old will be encouraged to increase involvement in meaningful activities and be assisted to improve support systems.  A form of monitoring will be put in place to help the teen return to improved coping that is maintained over time.  It gets better.

If the 15 year old is at high risk for suicide- hospitalization or intensive outpatient counseling and medication will be considered.  Hospitalization is sometimes used to stabilize a young person and remove the risk by providing safety in a controlled setting.  It is a last resort but has its place when needed to save a life.  Intensive outpatient counseling could include day treatment (removal from school with structured activities throughout the day which include academic credit, the teen returns home at night), or multiple sessions per week at a counseling center.  Once the 15 year old is feeling more "like herself" with less symptoms she will be transitioned to a low risk treatment plan. It gets better.

September is Suicide Awareness Month.  Get informed.  Get Better.

Please forward this to someone you know who needs the information. 

Crisis Numbers:

• Heartline: 405-848-CARE (Oklahoma)
• National Hot line: 1-800-273-TALK

Frida Kahlo: Painting through Chronic Pain and PTSD

 I was excited to learn more about Frida Kahlo this year at the Creativity and Madness conference, I have been drawn to her self portraits since becoming a regular visitor to Santa Fe.  Ms. Tanya Radic, RN had some terrific slides some of which I could not locate for this post, but I will do my best to represent contextual information about this remarkable painter.

"My painting carries with it the message of pain." Frida Kahlo

Frida Kahlo was one of the most famous Mexican artists. She is remembered as a prolific painter, political activist, outspoken feminist, and strong personality.  Her paintings have bright cultural colors, and intense subject matter.  Although she did not consider herself a surrealist painter, her work has been praised within that genre.

The early years:  Frida Kahlo's was born in Mexico City, Mexico  (1906) in a house built by her father called Casa Azul (the Blue House).  Her early childhood was impacted by the Mexican revolution, so much so, that Frida sometimes changed her birth date to further associate with the beginning of the war. Her mother reportedly fed soldiers who jumped over the stone wall surrounding the house, before they returned for battle in the streets.  Kahlo suffered from polio at age 6, which disfigured her right leg and confined her for nine months of recovery. She was a bright student who had dreams of becoming a doctor and was one of very few females accepted into an exclusive preparatory school.

"I am not sick.  I am broken. I am happy as long as I can paint."

Post Traumatic Stress: Life changed instantly for Frida at age 18 when she was riding a bus that was hit by a trolly train.  Many people were killed in the accident and Frida was not expected to live.  Her injuries were the cause of chronic pain, multiple surgeries, and many miscarriages throughout her life.  While recovering for months in the hospital Frida began to paint with watercolors her father brought her during one of his visits. 

 

The shift from pain to painting was significant in the emotional healing of Frida Kahlo.  Her work is graphic and provokes an emotional response.  Of her 145 known paintings, 54 are self portraits.  It would seem she was perpetually trying to understand herself in relation to her physical and emotional injuries.

When she returned to the preparatory school following her accident she met Diego Rivera, 20 years older than Frida, who was already a famous muralist. Their friendship turned into a difficult marriage marked with infidelity, separation, divorce, and remarriage to each other. Their relationship was the inspiration of many paintings throughout their marriage. As a couple they were active in the communist party, and famous for their art during their lifetime.

As a psychologist I admire Kahlo's courage in sharing her emotional experience so openly with others.  By translating her pain into paint, Kahlo made a bold move from victim (of polio, war, train wreck, infidelities) to survivor.  She invites us to understand the triumph of the human spirit over tragedy through her deeply personal story. 

 

“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it's true I'm here, and I'm just as strange as you.”

― Frida Kahlo

 

 

Kahlo died in Casa Azul at age 47 from surgical complications following the partial amputation of her leg.  In 1958 Casa Azul became a museum filled with her original artwork and artifacts of her life.

 

Where to read more:

• A Biography of Frida Kahlo (1983)  Hayden Herrera
• Frida (2002) a film starring Salma Hayek nominated for six Academy Awards and won for Best Makeup and Original Score.
• The Lacuna (2009) Barbara Kingsolver
• Frida Kahlo biography

 

 

Rachmaninoff Reprised

 

 

 

Our virtual tour of the Creativity and Madness Conference will begin with the presentation of Dr. Richard Kogan, psychiatrist and concert pianist.  Dr. Kogan is masterful in his biographies of composers. He speaks entirely from memory and then rushes to the piano to flawlessly perform a portion of work that illustrates his point about the composer. I have never experienced anything like Dr. Kogan's presentations.

 

This year Dr. Kogan highlighted the work of Sergei Rachmaninoff.  Disclaimer: This post is from my notes, any mistakes/errors in the biography are my own.  I am admittedly starstruck with Dr. Kogan, and may wander off in my note taking . . . 

 

Sergei Rachmaninoff (1873-1943)

 

Sergei Rachmaninoff was born in Russia to an aristocratic family although his father was irresponsible financially, and the money didn't last long.  His grandmother was a very religious Russian orthodox and had a strong influence on Sergei's growing up years, taking him to daily mass after his father abandoned the family.

 

His parents did not find anything remarkable about Sergei during his childhood, he would often refuse to practice the piano and they considered him lazy.  When he was caught forging his grades at 12 years old he was sent to the equivalent of "Pianist Boot camp." Once there Sergei demonstrated an ability to compose music but he eventually had to leave the school because of a conflict with the headmaster.

 

Sergei then went to the Moscow Conservatory where he met and was mentored by Tchaikovsky.  This was a key relationship in Rachmaninoff's life and Tchaikovsky quickly recognized something special in his student.  By 19 Sergei was "world famous" and was paid $20 for his Prelude in C sharp Minor.  He reported having heard the composition form in its entirety inside of his head and was quoted as saying "it had to be so there it was." If you listen carefully to this piece you will hear the church bells tolling as a nod to his grandmother.

Tchaikovsky died suddenly and his death had a profound effect on young Sergei.  He wrote Trio élégiaque No. 2  to express his sorrow for his friend and mentor and it received terrible reviews.  Sergei suffered from major depression for three years and was completely blocked in his composing which led him to seek counseling from a hypnotherapist named Dr. Dahl. 

 

Dr. Dahl was also a skilled violaist.  His treatment plan for Rachmaninoff was:

1. Sleep through the night.
2. Improve his daytime mood.
3. Reawaken his desire to compose.
4. Improve his eating.

Dahl's posthypnotic suggestion was that Sergei would begin to compose with great facility and it would be of excellent quality.

 

Sergei began composing again and ended treatment in 1900.  His Piano Concerto Number 2 in C Minor was written during this productive time.  Typically the violins introduce the melody to the symphony but in this work it is the violas that bring the melody.  He dedicated this piece to Dr. Dahl.

 

Sergei Rachmaninoff  battled depression on and off for the rest of his life and openly acknowledged his mental illness. He is quoted as saying "My mental sickness sits in me so firmly . . . the pain only stops when I am playing . . . "

 

As a grown man, Sergei was 6'6" and may have had a pituitary disorder (like Abraham Lincoln) which could account for his hand size and expansive finger span.  His compositions are challenging for even the most skilled pianists.  He was reported to be a "meticulous pianist" known for his craftsmanship- a far cry from his early "lazy years."

 

Rachmaninoff was successful in his marriage and had a good relationship with his children.  He died of melanoma in 1943 and his last words were reportedly "Farewell my poor hands."

 

Dr. Kogan recommended these biographies for more information:

 

Rachmaninoff: Life, Works, Recordings by Max Harrison (2006)

Rachmaninoff by Michael Scott (2008)

 

We are all eagerly anticipating 2014 Creativity and Madness with Dr. Kogan, I wonder who we will study next?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Ode to Creativity and Madness

 

The Worrell Gallery

After a week in beautiful Santa Fe at the Creativity and Madness Conference, I am renewed in my commitment to promote mental health/ wellness, and fight the stigma of mental illness.

I am also refreshed.  It is an inspiring place and an incredible conference. I wish you could've come with me, but maybe this month we can virtually travel together.

Take a deep breath and smell the fresh sage, the mountain air.

What do composer Sergei Rachmaninoff, artist Frida Kahlo, native american leader Crazy Horse, and entrepeneur Steve Jobs all have in common? Each were creative, outstanding in their life work, and had a diagnosible mental illness. 

Out of the all of the artistis that we studied this past week, only one- Rachmaninoff- sought treatment for symptoms of mental illness. His treatment was brief and successful in removing his writer's block, but social stigma discouraged him from continuing his therapy once his creativity returned.  Racmaninoff''s depression was debilitating. 

Our society has come a long way in the effectiveness of treatment and recognizing the value of intervention, but we have a long way to go. 

Historically, learning disabilities were considered a sign of ignorance and certain students were deemed"unteachable." Traditionally unsuccessful students Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison to name a few, inspired attention and research to assist unconventional learners.  Looking at the least restrictive environment model, many gifted, learning disabled, and gifted/LD students are now thriving with modified styles of teaching. 

This conference reminds me of the greatness that is possible within unconventional thinkers, who have needs that are often ignored. 

This month I will share insight and information from the conference. I hope you will share my enthusiasm for creativity, wellness, and appreciation of mental illness as a diversity in our culture.

Tornado Recovery Links

As Oklahomans we are all coping with the recent tornado that impacted many of our neighbors.
The recovery effort will take a long time and everyone is encouraged to find a way to help. 

Here are some links to help you to help others:

If you are wanting information about how to help your child with fears from the tornado or know someone who would benefit from this information please direct them to MetroFamily Magazine website. I have written an article with practical advice on the topic.

If you are looking for a way to respond to the recovery effort please check out Oklahoma Women Bloggers they have listed many different (and legitimate) ways to help.

During this time of recovery be encouraged to: Get information, seek support, help where you can,
and stay safe.

Finding the Silver Lining

Mom, Chris, me, & Kate

"Every cloud has a silver lining." Loving someone with mental illness is unpredictable, stressful, scary at times, . . .  and also  wonderful. 

There is mental illness in my family (quite a bit in fact if you look closely).  My brother Chris turned 40 this year and he has been managing Bipolar Disorder for 22 years, and its symptoms for much longer.  I am so proud of Chris, but it wasn't always easy being his sister.

For years my parents took Chris from doctor to doctor to control his "hyperactivity" and "mood swings" and "imagination." Something was different, maybe wrong with him.  His symptoms added stress to our family.  He was Chris, I thought, what more did they need to know?

Once when I was 16 my new friend spent the night at my house after a late evening.  Chris (5 years old) had never met her before and did not know we had an overnight guest.  In the morning she came downstairs in her black pajamas with her long brown hair frizzed out from hairspray and sleep. Chris rushed to the sink and filled a glass of water and threw it on her.  He thought she was the wicked witch from Oz.  It's funny now.

I remember setting my alarm to watch the Smurfs cartoon on Saturday mornings in the dorm lobby when I went out of state to college.  It helped us both with separation anxiety.  We loved doing that together even when we were apart.

Then the phone call when he was hospitalized for the first time.  The supervised visits to a locked unit, with doctors I didn't always trust and medication with horrific side effects.

Sometimes life is like a dark cloud that bocks out the sun, but if you look very closely you will see a ray of sunshine on the outer edge of the cloud. It is the silver lining. It represents the hope that there will be better days ahead. 

The silver lining in loving my brother and living with mental illness in the family is it formed me into a compassionate and nonjudgmental person.  These qualities clearly help me in my role as a psychologist, but they have also been handy in my roles as daughter, wife, mother, citizen, and friend.  I have also met some incredible people that have helped me and my brother journey together.  People like Bonnie Dunn at Transition House in Norman, and Gail Isreal with NAMI Oklahoma. 

Have you watched the movie Silver Linings?  I watched it Friday night at the urging of my daughters.  I loved it- it made me laugh, and cry (always a good thing for me in a movie) added bonus -the psychiatrist is helpful and not very nutty.

 

Do you have a silver lining in loving someone with mental illness?  Please share! 

Walk The Walk

Nearly 60 million Americans have a diagnosable mental illness.  That is one in four adults and one in ten children, who are in need of counseling and or medication and stabilization.  Even in this informational age those numbers are hard for people to accept, and even harder to understand.

Communities are quick to reach out to families impacted by tragedy with offers of support, compassion, and kindness.  But what is the community response to the isolated teenager? Or the homeless guy who talks to himself? The typical response is to look away, and often to walk away.

Let's walk together instead. 

Mental illness can be treated. Families can receive support.  Communities can help.

 

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is our nation's largest grassroots organization dedicated to education, advocacy, and support for the mentally ill. Local NAMI affiliates "talk the talk"  through educational groups, advocacy, and family to family support.  If you go to one of these meetings, even once, it will change your perspective about mental illness.  There is hope, recovery, and true quality of life for families dealing with mental illness on a daily basis.  Find a meeting, you will be glad you did.

 

NAMI also helps communities "walk the walk." 2013 is the 11th anniversary of NAMIWalks which is a nationwide fundraising and awareness event. Last year NAMIWALKS raised almost $10 million to support local programs to improve the lives of persons impacted by mental illness. 

 

Take the first step today to reach out to the millions of families effected by mental illness.  Come join the walk!

 

We walk to celebrate recovery, raise awareness, memorialize loved ones, and fight the stigma of mental illness. I hope to see you there (Suki is coming too)!

 

NamiWalk 5K OKC: Saturday May 18, 2013

Stars and Stripes Park

3701 South Lake Hefner Drive

Registration: 8:00 am

 

What does a psychologist do?

The question “what do you do?” often comes up in social situations.  My answer typically draws some attention.  Reactions are varied and range from interest to skepticism.  I have had several people ask if I can read minds.  Sometimes I wish that I could . . . but darn it, they don’t teach us that in graduate school.

The shortest explanation of what I do as a psychologist is that I work in partnership with my clients (young and old) to facilitate change. 

For many people change is a scary concept.  We are all more or less comfortable in our familiar routines in life and then all of a sudden something shifts- a death in the family, a super strict teacher, a bully moves into the neighborhood, a major medical diagnosis.  When life happens in an unexpected way we use our very best skills to cope.  Sometimes those skills are outdated.  Sometimes those skills push others away from us.  In many cases new skills have to be developed.

As a psychologist I am an active listener, creative problem solver, teacher, encourager, and support.  My role is to provide the right conditions for positive change to take place.

“How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?” Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.  This is an old joke, but it does explain a key factor about counseling.  It is not a passive process; both the psychologist and the client are working hard in the session.  I often give “homework” to my clients to ensure that they are also working outside of the session.

Therapy with a child often involves teaching how to identify, express, and receive comfort from past hurts or disappointments.   The aggressive child needs to learn more socially acceptable ways to get his/her needs recognized.  The bullied child benefits from acknowledgement and tools of assertiveness.  The depressed child is looking for a perspective of hope.  The anxious child is given an opportunity to develop skills of self-reassurance and soothing.  Life is tricky- we need lots of tools in our toolbox to manage ourselves through change. 

Throughout my twenty years in partnership with clients I continue to be inspired on a daily basis by the transforming power of change.  It is a privilege to journey with another person through their most challenging life moments.  Every client is different and every problem has a multitude of creative solutions that is unknown at the beginning of treatment. 

Did you notice there is no mention of blaming the parents?  Despite difficult family situations my job is to empower each child to take responsibility for their own success or failure in coping with change.  If parents are open to making changes too- Bonus!

I LOVE my job.  I hope you love yours.   

Your questions and comments are always welcome.

Helping your child weather the storm of tragedy

Imagine there is a sudden rainstorm.  You are walking with your child, sharing an umbrella from the wind and pelting rain.  You shelter your child from the worst of the storm, as best you can, and leave a portion of yourself exposed to the elements.  You have to do the navigating, it is your job.  This is the perspective I suggest to parents in the midst of tragedy.  The recent shooting in Newtown, Connecticut forces us to into action as parents.  I hope this blog entry will help you weather this storm with your young child.

The Storm:  When you prepared your child for school Friday morning, you were unprepared for the terrible news of another school shooting- this time in an elementary school.  Most people find the suffering of children especially hard to manage.   It is a vulnerability of every parent.  Be selective about the amount of news you absorb.  No matter how much information we get about a tragedy it will never make sense.  Your child needs your reassurance.  If you are saturated by the trauma you will not be able to weather the storm.  Some suggestion for managing your own stress:

• Take care of yourself.  Remember to eat, keep your routine, and stay connected with a support system that is comforting to you.
•  Take breaks from the news and avoid overwhelming yourself with pessimistic or alarmist thinking.  Get perspective that this is a rare occurrence.
• Accept and acknowledge your feelings so you can express them appropriately to your child.

The Umbrella:  In the midst of tragedy you hold the umbrella. Remember that the media is not designed to present developmentally appropriate information for children. Once you have managed yourself you are ready to comfort your child. Listen carefully to what your child has heard.  Correct any distortions that may elevate their fears- rumors are common during the unfolding of a disaster. Be open to your child's worries and questions responding with sensitivity to your child's age and prior experience with death or trauma.  Be truthful without being terrifying. Redirect your child if he/she is pressing for gruesome details.  Most children will show some signs of anxiety which may include:

• Trouble sleeping.
• Impaired concentration.
• Tearfulness, reluctance about returning to school.

Providing Shelter:  Recovery from trauma requires restoring balance and safety for children. If you or your child have concerns about the security at school or in your neighborhood, this is an appropriate time to develop a proposal for change.  Empower your family to help make a difference in your own community if  you see need for improvement in safety.  Partner with others to "do good" to counterbalance the awareness that something bad has happened.  It is important to return to normal routine as soon as possible:

• There will be a "first day back" for all students.  Provide accommodations if needed but make the first day Monday.  Examples could be allowing extra time in the morning to be supportive or driving your child instead of using the bus or walking into the building for a quick "you will be fine" hug.
• Do not pick up your child early on their first day or text to check on them.  This is disruptive and suggests that you are afraid.
• Consider a service project to do in honor of the families effected by the shooting or help your child send a card to the school if he/she expresses an interest.

Be courageous in your comfort.  Remind yourself and your child that there are more good people in the world than bad. Children can bounce back from tragedy with the help of a reassuring adult.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,‘ I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers—so many caring people in this world.” ~ Fred Rogers

Resources: 
www.apa.org American Psychological Association Help Center: Helping your child manage distress in the aftermath of a shooting.  Managing your distress in the aftermath of a shooting.

www.ready.gov Listen, Protect, Connect- Model & Teach: The steps of psychological first aid for your students after a disaster, school crisis, or emergency.

 

Health Alert: Suicide Prevention

I am revising and reposting this information (first published January 2012)as part of the national campaign to raise awareness about suicide prevention.

In 2012 our small community lost 4 teenagers to suicide, three within a two week span of time.  Suicide is not contagious, but it can be a catalyst for suicidal behavior.  The community circles of teenagers overlap through multiple associations in school, neighborhoods, places of worship, and team sports.    

When there is a suicide in your community you must get informed, talk responsibly, and respond appropriately.  You can not afford to assume "not my kid." Many of the parent survivors of suicide report that was how they felt too. 

Improve Safety at Home:   Properly store all firearms and prescription medications. Regardless of your position on firearms, it is important to think differently after an adolescent suicide.   To further reduce risks, remove the ammunition and or guns from your home.  Prescription medications can be locked in a container (available at local drug stores) or kept with you rather than stored in the original bottles in medicine cabinets.

Notice Changes:  Suicidal thoughts are a symptom triggered by many different factors, so there is no simple explanation as to who is the most vulnerable.  Research, however, has informed us to watch for certain risk factors:

• Deteriorating academic performance.

• Self-mutilation.
• A fixation with death or violence.
• Unhealthy peer relationships: Including indications that the teen is in a destructive or abusive relationship.
• Volatile mood swings or a sudden change in personality.
• Risk-taking behaviors (substance use/abuse, promiscuity, reckless driving)
• Signs of an eating disorder.
• Difficulty in adjusting to gender identity.
• Bullying.
• Depression
• Anxiety: Reporting “feeling trapped, overwhelmed.”
• Reporting “lack of purpose in life.”

 

Contagion risk:  Individuals who witnessed a suicide or were first responders are at greater risk, and the vulnerability increases when we consider a young person who also was a close friend and identified with the deceased, "he was just like me." 

Students who misinterpreted the signs of suicide or failed to report concerns to an adult will experience acute stress and need additional support, even though it will not necessarily increase their risk of suicide.

Listen:  If a teen is talking about suicidal thoughts, threatening suicide, or expressing a wish to “go to sleep and not wake up” or similar statements, listen and take their words seriously. Even if the young person has a tendency toward the dramatic, these comments are an indication that there are struggles that feel overwhelming and additional support is needed.

Ask:  Asking directly if a teen has had thoughts of suicide will assist you in determining the most appropriate action of support to ensure safety for  a vulnerable teen through a difficult time. There is no evidence that asking directly about suicidal thoughts will increase the risk of suicide.  Asking decreases risk.

Communicate:  Every teenager would benefit from hearing that “there is no mistake that cannot be forgiven, no problem that you wouldn’t help them with, no concern in their life that you (their parent) could not handle.”  Suicide is a symptom, not a solution.

Reach Out:  Professional support is available in the community to assist you and your family through anxiety, high stress, achievement problems, substance abuse, and other difficult emotional and situational circumstances.  Teach your teen that it is okay to get help, and that a friend’s suicidal thoughts cannot be kept a secret.  Telling a trusted adult may help to save a life.

Crisis Numbers: Oklahoma HeartLine-405-848-CARE, National Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK

c2012LLMarottaPhD/www.ccoffices.com.   Sources: www.apa.org, www.nimh.nih.gov , www.heartlineinc.org,  www.suicidology.org, www.sprc.org

A Dog Will Love You Forever

Some of my clients purposefully schedule their appointments for Wednesday afternoon so they can work with my furry co-therapist, Suki.  I completely understand.  Suki Marotta is a natural.  I have watched her calmly assist a dog phobic child, moan with a stressed single parent, sooth an angry teen, and lay across the legs of a grieving widow. She greets our clients with a sniff and a lick, wagging her tail in hospitality.  In addition to her unconditional love, embodies the therapeutic tool of focusing on the nonverbal message.  She is a mirror to human emotions.

Suki is a special dog, but much of that is in her training.  She attended puppy school, basic obedience, canine good citizen, and then “sat” for the Therapy Dog International (TDI) certification.  In other words, she has graduate level training. Therapy dogs are being utilized in a variety of settings; making visits to hospitals, libraries, geriatric centers, courtrooms, and disaster sites.  The most recent TDI newsletter included an article written by  a volunteer who sought out the comfort of therapy dogs during 9/11:

“I can’t remember the first time I saw one, but I remember the feeling—like being picked up and held close. It was like being recognized and then embraced by an old friend.”

“The dogs gave me a reason to get up, and when I did, they found my pain and held it for me.  I shed my first tears . . . and after I did, I felt the weight in my chest start to lift.  The dogs sat with my grief so I could sit with my clients’.” Sarah Sypniewski (AmeriCorps/American Red Cross)

Researchers struggle to prove that dogs are empathic, but ask any dog owner—they have data on a daily basis.  I was moved, but not surprised to see the story of Hawkeye the Labrador’s expression of grief during his master’s funeral.                                                 

“A dog will love you forever is the motto of TDI.”

I couldn’t agree more. What dogs have brought you comfort?

Novel News: An Inklings Update

The Inklings
Kelly Bristow, Karen Cooper, Dee Dee Chumley, Brandi Barnett, Martha Bryant
Shel Harrington, Sonia Gensler, Me (with the big flower!)

My writing journey is a long story with many chapters.  The key characters are my mentors, the Inklings.  We are nine women who write, encourage, edit, challenge, and celebrate like nobody's business! This past friday we had our first ever NOVEL IDEA.  It was an evening dedicated to the book launch of one of our own, Sonia Gensler.  If you haven't heard of her yet--you will.  Her debut novel The Revenant is a stunning read.

The Novel Idea was not an original one, but we put our own Inkling spin on things.  With Brandi and Martha attending to the historical and literary accuracies of invitations and swag, I focused in on food. Everyone read the final draft of the book and prepared questions for our celebrated author.   My favorite part of the evening was the intense discussion of Sonia's book and seeing the ease at which she answered questions and responded to our comments.

Review:
Willie is a "liar and a thief" by her own admission.  She adventures to a female seminary and poses as a teacher to avoid returning home to her family following her father's death.  In Willie's struggle we are treated to love, life lessons, grief, danger, and self discovery.

The Revenant is a mystery, a ghost story, and more.  I would recommend it for an eighth grade reader through adult.

A summer read with substance. 
(Shameless plug coming up)
Available at many bookstores beginning June 14th.  
***** 5 stars out of 5

NAMIWalk 2011: Every Mind Matters

It was the perfect Saturday kind of weather you only find in Oklahoma the day after a steady rain.  The calm after the storm.  Our lucky team of 13 joined the other 1,787 walkers to raise awareness and funds for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. 

There were speeches, donation announcements, music, but mostly it was the fellowship that made me proud.  The old AA adage "It doesn't matter if you come from Yale or Jail" applies to the diversity of the NAMIWalk.  Caregivers and patients, parents and children, new and old friends trekked the 3.5 miles with dignity.  Perspiration and inspiration ruled. 

Some of my favorite moments are like mental snapshots:  My mother and daughter Kate leading the pack over a bridge.  My brother laughing and talking with a friend.  Jazzercisers doing the warm up.  Wheelchairs and strollers. The Oklahoma Accordian Society (Random, but wonderful). Supportive long term friends showing up to wear the BiPolar Bears Team Tshirt and hamming it up for the cameras.

The money is still being counted, but it looks like they will achieve their goal of $130,000 to go toward advocacy, education, action centers, the help line . . . NAMI does so much for so many people.

Thank you NAMI for giving me and my brother a common cause and a way to help others together. 

Living with Mental Illness

Yesterday I packed up and moved my brother, Chris.  Our family helped him gather his clothing, videos, games, and knick nacks into bags and boxes and headed to Norman in two cars.  The mood was festive and tense.  A prickly combination.  Once we got to the University of Oklahoma area Chris retrieved the key to his apartment, and we did the reverse move of helping him make the space his own.  There were decisions about how much he would need, getting to know the area, and meeting the new neighbors.  It was a lot like launching a student from home into the dorms for freshman year of college.  Only it wasn't exactly that.  Chris is 20 years older than the average freshman, and his university is a transitional living program for people who have a serious mental illness. 

Chris was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when he was eighteen.  It has been a long journey of success and failures for him in living with this illness.  Chris is not alone but I am sure that he feels that way at times.  According to the National Institute of Mental Health there are 5.7 million adults diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in the United States. The other residents in The Transition House are all managing chronic mental health diagnosis and many have a coexisting addiction.  The "professors" of this alternative university prepare the residents to graduate in 12 months into independent living. My brother spoke of his awareness when he woke up Monday morning that it was his last day in an institution, "I'm ready this time," he assured me.  He has lived for the past 8 years in a full care residential setting. The highlight of his week was going to the "Club House" to socialize and attend groups, or the outings to Walmart with supervision. Chris has a weekly schedule now where his "required" groups are highlighted.  He has choices.  He has freedom. 

The realization of this freedom radiated from his broad smile and the timber in his laughter as we walked about a half mile to get frozen yogurt.  He looked at the strange machines with flavors labeled above the self serve line. I gathered my usual coffee flavored yogurt, skipping the toppings.  Chris watched me manuever the machines then confidently swirled Taro, a purple root vegetable, in his small cup-- piled on gummy bears, sprinkles, and the token cherry on top. We sat on clear plastic bar stools and tasted our treats.

"Why did you choose Taro, Chris?  I've never even heard of that." I asked.
"I'm adventurous sis, you probubly don't know that about me.  I've never heard of Taro either- that's why I picked it."

You go Chris. Be bold, be adventurous, be safe. We wish you well in your new life.